Life of a true CoOkieStaRaiN

oh hello again world..long time no see..

2005-08-29T00:26:00.000-07:00

let's pick up from where we left off.. hrm.. let's see..on this day about 2 months ago i was complaining that i need a life and a job.. and here i am today much too busy to even remove the nail polish off my toenails (you know how all the rest of the nail polish goes off and just a little map of singapore is left on yer big toes.. well yeah) this was taken off my deviant the begining of this mth..

me in a world made out of plastic
Journal Entry: Thu Aug 4, 2005, 8:38 PM
random facts..

i have fallen out of the face of the universe into non existance.
thank you very nice for not giving much of a shit. -grins-
and no this is not a direct attack to anyone but myself.. REALLY so stop feeling bad and try to ask me "oh hey! how are you.." cause this is bacically what i'll say. tired overworked and not free and that my world consist of well me. no one else to blame for this but me. this is not an emotionally wounded entry or anything like that. just a simple techincal notification for when it does slip your mind and wonder what's happen to your beloved diana..
i've completely immersed and dedicated myself into nothing else but work and my kids.. 22hrs a day with maxmium 2-3 hrs of sleep.. that's pretty much how my day goes.. pretty intense.. yes crazy. call me a workerholic. i told you every genius was once insane.

(to the ex bf.. the mungen one..)
i still don't get why you've started contacting me again?or why you're so eger to meet up with me? but yeah. don't have the time to waste on you.. anyhoos it was er.. weird to hear from you again...

(to the lost fairy godmother and abletoshareanythingschoolpoolguyfriend)
er. ya. i think you guys could beat david blane in a dissappearing act. aha.

(to the usually emotionally wrecked sister-cousin..)
happy to know that you're life is back to normal. and bestfriends are like the yesterdays. i'm really glad for you. i'll promise to stay missing from this picture. just in case it gets all melodramatic again.

(to the one once known as the pick)
er..... no coments?
i still think you're an amazing poet?

(to the others i used to laugh with you know you secondary school people..)
i'll miss you too.. eventually.. I guess? when the widzard of oz returns me a heart.

(to the girls i shared my past with..)
the past is the past. as much as we've tried. our friendship is a nostalgic remimission of the old times we spent to gether. i will always love our memories i keep them like precious still frames and photographs.. but that is the past.. no matter how hard we try? whatever we have now is something on the surface..muych of a hi bye how are you i fine thank you very nice. we are now on our own leading our own lives growing up to be what we feared the most.. adults..
but i miss you guys too..

i am still capable of affection and concern for those around me. however i withdraw the minute i feel threathened.
so yeah. i'm plastic.
okie that's the end of my random facts and yes i'm still roman catholic and i have faith in god.No Comments Previous Journal Entries

and this has been going on for the past two mths.. i know it was a rather morbid and depressing entry... i'm sorry i couldn't help it? i was stuck in monotony and i was getting grouchy with the bitch (yes i'm refering to life.. gah! someone, Please.. fuck her and spread some sunshine. She's so pmsy!!!) oh here's something for you guys to laugh at.. i'm a Mat magnet. like FUCK balls i swear since i started at bedroom/playroom(bars at boatquay) all the mats wont leave me alone.. and that is a very depressing thought. hrmp. i have no idea why they keep calling me mummy?!? here's a perfect example.

mat no.1: mummy i rindu u ar.. knpe u ni tak kol i?
(in english; mummy i miss u ar.. why you ni dun call me?)
me: because.. i don't have a phone?!?
mat no.1: you ni tak sayang i ke?
(in english; you ni don't love me issit?)
me: er.. how bout no?
mat no.1: you kan my girl...
(in english; you are my girl right)
me: *slaps forehead * mutters Oh fuck..* stammers in malay* saya tak nak (don't want) become your girl
mat no.1: i nak tungu u
(in english; i want to wait for you)
me: curses underbreath.. shit! i am so fucked..

mat no.2: u suke i kan?
(in english; you like me right?)
me: no fuck! are you kiding?
mat no.2:ala mummy ni.. i ngok you selalu cui cui i
( i'm so sorry balls. i can't freaking translate this one myself. i think he's trying to say that i'm wooing him? or that i'm eyeing him?or sth like that?)

yeah go ahead laugh i'm glad you find my sufferings so humourous.. i think i'm going to listen to shasha next time and say "aku tannak engkau pasal kau macam eww" translation: i don't want you because you are like eww. hah

oh yeah i lost my phone. again.. yeah.. tell me what's new.. it's been a mth ago or was it two? hah. what can i say? it feels like i went to mars and back.. i've compleately lost track of time..
will be getting me line back by the end of next week so please flood me with msgs leaving yer name so that not only i will i have your number, i will also know who the hell that is.. thank you very nice..

i have my eyes on marie!!! heh heh heh and you'll soon find out who's marie!!! i swear she's soooo fucking beautiful (and no i'm still perfectcally straight! despite all the harrasment from all those mats)

oh good news i'm going to do my bachlors either end of this year or in jan next year *grins* heh heh. nani nani poot poot *sticks tongue at you* you are all still stuck in school!! =D

oh fuck what the hell was that!?!?! OKAY i'm gonna go.. there are rats the size of my fist running around on the table in this cyber cafe!!!!! i am soooooo NOT bullshitting!!!

hah.
OKAY..
i'm still in shock.
okay bye.

like GAH!

2005-06-29T22:57:00.000-07:00

KISS MEH! ok maybe not unless you look like tom welling or hayden christiansan like 0_0 hohohoho. okie i'm so bored nye. and it's only thrusday. plus i can't swim. broke and err didn't mention bored?? yeah BORED!!!! AND ITS THURSDAY!!! okie i'm gone bye.

2005-06-25T22:59:00.000-07:00

<3

Journal Entry: Sat Jun 25, 2005, 2:51 AM
heh.
*hand phone vibrates to the juliana theory*
1 message recieved.
-grins the rest of the day-

this was frm my deviant art journal.
heh.
SHH!!! shut up nat.
er both nats.
heh.
-still grinning-

bed head

2005-06-20T19:54:00.000-07:00

dear (insert name.), has played 406 times on my i tunes. i need a life. no i have that. i need a job. ok i have that too. my kids em and li hui must have miss behaved cause i couldn't come down to teach today and gin was like 4 miss calls. i hate being unprogressive. and i miss my baby sister shasha. i'm phone less for now until i get my 6170 back and i'm craving fer KFC any takers? got sick yesterday. took too much jack daniels and coke on saturday night. was in bed the whole day on sun and today. nyeah.. lesson learnt. ASK! before you gulp it down! oooh my mahjong kakis when's the next session? i'll be in the east tmr and wed! just... okay so how do you get me now? gah. i need a cute generous and compleately in love with me bf. -grins- ok i don't
this is giving me a headache.
i'm gone laters ppl

faithfully by journey

2005-06-17T09:42:00.000-07:00

it's been playing over and over again on my playlist. i don't know why? ok i do. it reminds me of work. it reminds me of 'Round Midnyte and the family i made there. Patrick, Dino.. and most of all the only one i refered to as boss, AJ.

well, every person you meet in life becomes a part of you. in some very small way. i'm really gonna miss that place. weirdly, i really enjoyed working there. you could even say i looked forward to going to work. it's a really a pity the place closed down. I really agree with AJ, that place could have worked out. given the chance. sighs.. oh well, all good things have to come to an end. cest la vie.

i feel defeated. i won't elabrate you already know why. i've been told i deserve better but like nashie says. what if i don't want better ? dashboard makes my eyes water each time i listen to them. i don't know. i'm having a hard time saying the word ex. a million whys? but no reason or excuse could resolve my inqusition.

if you wonder why i don't blog you could go to deviant. i deviant. well i don't do anything there. i'm just there. i'm not arty farty. i took biology. but yeah http://soundofrainonwater.deviantart.com while you're there go browse through this art goddess's gallery http://yourblankpage.deviantart.com
awesome shyte huh? oh oh i'm related to her. hehs.

and i have a new phone and she's pretty. but a little sick so she's at the docs hehs.

laters, i'm sorry dashboard steals the conversation.

if you can't leave it be might as well let it bleed

2005-06-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

if you can't leave it be might as well let it bleed

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 13, 2005, 6:52 PM

he doesn't care very much about me does he? not when he wouldn't even want to see me?
i hear he tries to make time for her. it hurts. because he wouldn't even try to say hello to me unless it was told for him to do so?
there are a million whys?
but i don't want anything more than to just see him..
and to stop crying each time i think about him..

this was taken from my deviant a/c

so stand and walk on your own

2005-06-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

so here i am with my first pay check $270 for 6days of werk which isn't bad at all? until my mom decides she needs all of the money more than i do and i feel obliged to give it to her be cause she is my mom after all.. so tell me how am i to save up for my la salle education which is gonna cost me nearly 3k? i need a well paying job. i wonder what ever happened to ONS and it's $9 per hour they hired me fer a week then for got?!? like uh? wth? oh well i hope some secure paying day job crops up sometime soon. it's incredibly weird i have a dip but it's not VERY useful. thank god i didn't spend 3 years chasing it? i'm getting some cash from teaching at SCAS so i hope that would suffice. for now..

i've heard of how some complain that their parents don't pay for their things. it's good enough their parents still give them pocket money and they can afford to shop and buy expegnsive things. i haven't bought anything for myself since i don't know when? much less buy anything expensive? but it doesn't matter. my first piority right now is saving up for my theatre degree. i can't rely on my mom for so much money. she hasn't got that kind of money. and so no handphone or levis jeans could be more important than this. -grins- in many ways growing up requires alot of courage. it scary this i can tell you this. but sooner or later we all will have to stand on our own two feet.

anyway. i miss you shasha, and i miss farah as well *hugs* let's go out soon. please??
i want my cloudies. i miss you girls heaps! i'm really sad dinner was cancled i was really looking forward to it. majong soon girls? *huggles* miss you girls

choke back each tear that bleeds

2005-06-05T14:27:00.000-07:00

what does one do when the one that you love so much leaves you mortally wounded? and it haunts you in those nightmares you so very much fear?

here's are some suggestions to what you should do.

lock yourself up in a cubical and let yourself have a good cry.
eat devastatingly more. you already feel like crap why not look like crap as well?
drown yourself with 8times whatever work load you've got work is cheaper than alchol and ciggrattes.
and abstain from sleep for as long as humanly possible. so that those dreaded demons can't to get you

(nono these won't make you feel any better lets just hope you phatetic enough to feel sorry for yourself and eventually stop yourself from being so messed up. and start telling yourself over and over again "it's ok" trying to convince yourself you're alright. living in denial helps. ALOT. when the real world is trying to choke you

sighs..

and he said i love you.
i hate you lie.

sighs...

and i believed him.
i hate me.

sighs..

"must have been love, but it's over now.. must have been good but we've lost it somehow.."- Roxette

but here's a consellation for the shitty day i've had.. this new cute eurasian bloke who was there for the first time left this for me with a $20tip

swift as an arrow she moves
graceful is my queen
wide as the sky, is her smile
like stars, her eyes

yon beautiful, Diana

thx for the night
love ,
george

i'm suprised cause i couldn't say much to him cause i was so busy running around at werk. but it's nice to know i'm appreciated. haha oh my boss nick bought me dinner when i went "oh dear i'm hungry" haha. and all of them couldn't stop teasing me gah! now i'm the public enemy cause the boss complimented me and bought me dinner frm s-11

FYI:
NICK is the owner of the bar(BIG RICH BUAYA)he's a doctor but he's going back to london..
PATRICK is the "part- time" manager i've never heard of that before but yeah, it exist in this bar (CHI-KO-PEK/LAU TIKO/BUAYAYA) ok i'll say sth nice about him? he's really good at PR with women? and he likes me? ok may that's not good.. um fer me.
DINO he's the consultant whatever the hell that is ( this one DANGER DANGER BUAYA!!!!!) no but seriously i've seen him in action. and he's fast. boy one minute talking to the girl the next dissappear!
AJ the fierce manager(he's not buaya just the male nature but not THAT buaya la and he's FISHTANK'S BASSIST \m/haha punk rocker) but as aslways he's brutally honest and pretty hot tempered when it does come.

Aj kept teasing about how nick's now my new sugar daddy. GAH. Aj's fucking bluntly scarstic and feirce with that stupid straight face. but who would have guessed he's the one i've grown to be very fond of. he can be an ass but uncle Aj is a good man. haha uncle. oh they are all old!
.
anyway..
oh love you cheese boy's marshmellow *MUACK*, didn't even want to leave you and farah.. miss you both already..

mikey! i'm pregnant. (please insert expression here)

2005-06-01T07:24:00.000-07:00

not~ aha. i don't even like mikey way? i like chris cabarra of dashboard but he's too old. i like addam whatchamacallhislastname bassist from STOY and um.. i wanna hump anyone of the old members of dead poetic members. especially zach miles or either of the shellabarger brothers both josh and chad look equally yummy -grins- maybe more of chad since i'm more partial to bassist hehe -grins- it's quite sad the shellabarger brothers and todd are no longer part of DP. they were so bloody good together. plus dusty and jesse look like crap. okay i'm blabbing at random again.

hah. missed me people?
it's been quite sometime hasn't it?
well, i'm bored and officially nocturnal.

AND, alot alot ALOT has happened. like.. my mom got married. again. i moved. well, back to toa payoh. i have not one but two not-very-very-well-paid jobs. one at SCAS during the day (teach speech and drama at the spastic children's association of singapore) and a jazz bar @cuppage terrace during the night(where there's this incredibly cute german guy i call dylan cause i can't remember his real name? but i only werk there on thur fri and sats). um.. what else? i sat for exams with RTRC because my director dr. wealsh insisted that i do so. (the lecturers for ECH in ngee ann come from here) so long story cut short. i have a part time diploma in eudcation in early childhood with RTRC.(please don't be jelous. when you finally out of the paper chase? you realise how overrated the education system in singapore is). i've decided to go to la salle next year. not this year. i'm taking a "break" (though some weird part of me misses datelines and pile loads of assignments). i have been able to play 3 songs on the guitar but i freeze up and fumble when people watch. i dragon boat on saturdays. run and finish a bar of cabury every other morning. all in the name of excercise and OCCASIONALLY join my girls for a game of majong. i've picked up all the bad habits of pubbing and clubbing including social smoking and drinking but strictly on virginia lights and bailey's irish cream *shrugs* preference?!? AND i'm single. i think? i don't know? *shrugs* nevermind. it doesn't matter. does it? i mean it shouldn't right? besides it is THE OLEVELS right? right? *sighs and shakes her head* i miss him, i know it's not his fault but i can't help being upset *shoulders rise and fall in another sigh* i don't know? like i said only when you're finally out of this monotonous-zombie-puppetiered paper chase? you'll realise how overrated the education system in singapore is.

and well, that's everything that i have been up to during my moths of absence. when was my last post again? okay it's only been a month. and to think i thought that i have been unprogressive. -laughs-

well then.
i don't like my blogger skin anymore. wanna move to another blogger address and put up another skin but can't be borded to. gah.

oooh yeah before i forget shasha is in love again. OMFG its so bloody cute. it's like sooooo awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww~
-grins- love you!

miss my girls
ooh i like that funny morphing orbing thiny on aisha's blog. wait let me see if i can steal it..

tada!
aint it kewl? a little tiny though. anyhoos, thanks girls for all those pictures in tribute to our friendship. love ya to bits and peices!!! hope to meet up fer a game of c9 majong real soon. missed ya girls!!!

alrighty, a shout out to all who bother to read my personal crap and balmy absurdities. thank you for staying in tuned. muchos muchos gracias. laters fellow spud and dups

with heaps of tlc,
yer weirdosanic

buy me that from watson for my birthday.

2005-04-27T09:48:00.000-07:00

i need to get one of those tummy trim pills. cause all these exercise is not doing any at all for my belly or what i like to refer to as my telly-tummy. because its a tummy that makes me look like the tellytubbies. grr. NO *cringe* don't say that! its anything but cute! grr. nvm. i'll just face the fact. i have an overgrown belly full of cellulite *heaves a sigh and shakes her head*

let's go for refreshments.

2005-04-11T04:19:00.000-07:00

i'm shutting this blog down for a little while

because?
um..
because..

of the way it looks?
how it feels.
it's a blogspot.
got too many people reading it.
the real player won't work
so quiet things that no one ever knows won' bloody play
the pictures are stale
ashton is a dumb dog
and the list of reasons that i'm making up as i go.. goes on.

i'll blog soon.. enough.
well?
um..
laters my fellow dups and spuds.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

2005-04-10T02:49:00.000-07:00

a prayer when in need of peace

we are in difficulties on all sides, but never cornered;
we see no answers to our problems, but never despair;
we have been persecusted, but never deserted;
knocked down, but never killed;
always where ever we maybe.

and for my fellow brothers and sisters in christ
we carry with us in our body the death of Jesus,
so that the life of Jesus too may be seen in our body.

amen.

goo goo dolls and a swing is very comforting.

2005-04-06T20:25:00.000-07:00

i cried. for no reason that i can articulate. just me being myself. ask shannon. he knows. (it pisses the hell of him cause he's left so helpless.) i'm sorry cash i'm sorry shasha you feel so helpless. and no shasha. before you start blaming yourself. it's not your fault. i love you.

cashvin!
you're here?
you appeared out of no where.
how'd you know i was here?
you didn't.
but your heart found me.
again.
*smiles*
thank you love.
your hug was my salvation.

in formal

2005-04-02T00:35:00.000-08:00

blazers and formal pants make you look very smart. very. i like formal wear. the thing is. i can't wear it to where i was wearing it to. well i can. but i'm just not sure how to get in. am i making sense? ahaha. right diana. right.but none the less i like formal wear. at least i found an out fit to wear to siglap's anniversary. that is if we're going. we'll all go in our formal wear and blazers. and look corperate. ahaha. won't that be fun? yeah would sure like to see that some day cloudies. and we'd take pictures and laugh at our selves. heh. well my lap batts are low and so is my prepaid. i'm not quite sure what's gonna happen next? hrm.. well we'll see how. i'll try to post pictures soon aye? laters

the happenstance on april fools

2005-04-01T22:20:00.000-08:00

so bubu did come home. only to leave me. again.
sighs.
that leaves me ill and alone.
the ill part i can deal with
the alone is the one that i can't quite get used too.
FUDGY is over. very sad event. but yeah. they broke up today. april fools day. painful to ponder about. same feeling as when shazlihin ended. to farah hope you're doing ok love. *hugs* infactuation. an emotion so difficult to distinguish from love. probably because infactuation is an initial stage of love. but then again if the world is up to me there is no such thing as love. because the word is over defined to the point that it has no substantial meaning. according to webster, the word love has 27 meanings. ranging from lust to god. to me what we evolved apes think as love is attraction, affection or attachment.but then again the world isn't up to me. and i need to puke. again.

bubu please come home.

2005-04-01T17:02:00.000-08:00

tummy hurts.
headache.
fever.
vomited my last panadol.
i'm ill.
what a joke life is playing on me.
grr. yes yes happy april fools life.

internet addiction

2005-03-31T21:35:00.000-08:00

i am addicted to the internet.
help. it's bad.
i was near to tears when NHSS_WRLSS network put an authentication key to their wifi
that means that i can no longer get connection from my room. no more surfing while lying on my belly.
hrmp.
where is that ding dong anyway? he's been missing the whole day. and his mom gave me 58 miss calls. scary shit balls. shasha's annoyed with him. aha i would be. if i were her. he made her wait. well i found a phone in my drawer. with a prepaid. aha. now how do i find out what the number.
oh nat/sha/bell sorry.i fell a sleep at 6 this morning. see you soon love. laters.

hacked.

2005-03-31T00:09:00.000-08:00

i got hacked. as you can see in the previous post. aha. what can i say with a password like cookiestarain *grins* there isn't much to heck anyway.
well people it is the end of the month.
say goodbye march and hello april.
that is all.

Ur-mate

2005-03-30T02:33:00.000-08:00

you should really change your password, that "delete blog" button might get tempting after a few weeks...

unauthenticated networks

2005-03-30T02:13:00.000-08:00

*muacks* to my baby girl, danielle. i love you for unauthorized wireless access.
i'm home people. *grins*
sighs. and really there's truly no place like home. the minute i set foot on to the familar rug placed infront of my door. i was at complete ease. i closed the door. peeled out of my clothes and there in my bath room my towel my shampoo my soap my cream all my personal toiletries were waiting for me. heaven. i sat there for hours soaping scrubbing myself. no no not that i'm THAT filthy. but just simply cause it's absolute comfort and it's theraputic. excuse my absurdity. but bathrooms are one of my favourite places in my home. (besides the kitchen) honestly? my humble temporary home in clementi is really nothing. it may even seem third world country to you. and my bath room isn't much either. the toilet is even the squating type seprated by a shower curtian. but it's home. and it's comfortable. so comfortable i get to wear my camisole and my printed undies to sleep.(hot la no air con like ur house right.) right. you think that bad? my mom doesn't even wear anything beneath the nighty. *shakes head* and sometimes she walks around the house with out anyhing on. cause its just us both. the worst part is that you could be showering and she'll just walk in. and you're like "bubu!!!!!!"*hide behind shower curtians* "what? you have i also have. you want to shy for what? you came out of my vagina" the absurdities of living with only you and your essentric mother. *slaps her helf in her forhead.

i miss people alot.i guess that's the down side.i'm too far away from where my heart is.
of course cash. missed him. alot. i'll see him soon
the gang. people i laugh retardedly with. farah, shaz, sally, mad. we're allover the place now.
and my girls too. cloud 9. sighs. sometimes it feels like we're strangers. so involved in our own lives.
cherish. alot. yes she's not in pasir ris. but she used to be. and pasir ris used to be our playground. missed her stupid company. msn's just not good enough.
sighs.
i miss iqah and joging sessions.
nora and late nights and talking about where our lives have been.
nashie and his thoughtfulness.
shan in some strange way?!? proally him as my lizard. but i suppose that has come to pass. like all good things has to come to an end.
mama. both of them. their company i guess.
but shasha mainly
missed her so much. sigh. it feels like when we werekids. and how she'd call telling me she's coming over to play with me and i'd wait at the gate for her till she came. when she did? i'd run to the corridor and greet her with a hug. telling her what we would play today. and we'd exitedly lock urselves in my room and rummage through my closet and start dressing up. but there were times she never came at all. and i'd get really upset and i'd cry cause miss her so much. and end up with a fever the very same night. miss you sis. someone hug her for me aye?
well laters i'm due for a bath. oh go read about the origins of mats and minahs
and this one's for a good laugh LOTS(low order thinkers) and SLOTS(super low order thinkers)
heh enjoy pee-poles

in asia, you're not allowed to forget.

2005-03-27T12:24:00.000-08:00

if you're living in asia. please don't forget. never forget. it'll put you in a whole lot of trouble. doesn't matter if you didn't mean to. mistakes aren't taken very well here. everything is amplified. you forgetting is a bad example to the several generations after you. doesn't matter. if you were all out till almost 2 and you were so tired you fell asleep. and disorentated when they woke you up to head home. just don't forget. under any circumstances. people won't like you for forgetting.

bubu please call me i've missed you. i want to go home.i'm a mess. shasha see me soon please? i want to play dressup and pretend pretend. and laugh at ourselves. i miss you so much.

i really really like DC too.

happy easter everyone.

diana. our beloved. she will always have a place in our hearts.

2005-03-25T02:44:00.000-08:00

art?
shasha. her pictures. they make you feel.

Die-Anna

i smiled.
then tears just left me.
touched.
just a picture.
but sheer emotion.
now that. that is art.
she is art.
no matter who says what?
i am still very loved.
always.
*grins*

to my guitar pick. shasha. cloudies. wish our lives gave us more time together.

isolation.

2005-03-24T21:06:00.000-08:00

it's day before good friday.
church was very comfortable.
my prayers.
my resolve.
someone has found my phone.
i have lost it.
and tonight i will have no home.
because there is no number to tell my mother i need a place to stay.
and no one has a way to get through to me.
now.
i am really on my own.
alone.
it's frightening.
sighs.
i'm going back to where i feel the comfort and the familarity that grandma gave me.
hope.
will i for a face so familar.
as tears stain my eyes.
shannon. you're a ching who won't admit that he is one.
shasha i love you.
grandma i miss you.
love? i need you more than ever.
now.
thank you love.
for just, trying.

inspiration.

2005-03-24T14:22:00.000-08:00

words a massive arrangement of curves and lines.
yet it's meaning such great impact.

i died.
but i sat there as tears left me as i prayed.
prayed to be found.
prayed to be saved.
prayed to be resurected.

and today. i am inspired once again. the spark is tiny. but what's important is that it rekindled.

this journey is going to be a long one.

but

his love.
unconditional.

i dare you to move.
like she dared me to dream
i dream.

if he who guides my hand wills me to, i will.

amen.

happy ester everyone.

what does one do when your sentence has come to a fullstop.

2005-03-21T11:57:00.000-08:00

you write another sentence and start it with a capital letter. many a times people fail to see change as an ever present way of life. out of all honesty, i don't believe we choose to change. mainly because we are all human and us humans fear the unknown. therefore we fear change as it brings about the unknown. however the course of events in our lives forces us to. without realising it. we change. we are blind to our exterior. to ourselves. we are the same person. we fail to see what the eyes see. for our own eyes do not allow us to see ourselves. all we see, is a reflection. though the mirror does not lie. the mirror cannot show you eveything.
just like every other happenstance in our lives, it could be seen as both a good thing and a bad thing. again, being only human our eyes only see the bad in things and we fail to embrace the good. of course we cling on to our meomries of what were and we dream of how we wished it would always be. it is in this subconcious state of mind and nostalgia that helps us keep our sanity. a defence mechnism that psychologically prepares one for the unknown and allows us to take a step forward. not eveything in our past is healty or good. neither is everything in our future. yes, we should change for the better. but what is the better? no one could actually draw it out for you. they can tell you. that they have done it all. that they did it this way. and it worked. but in actual fact no one actually knows what works? what may work for one person may be a blunder to another.one man food another man's poison. life is trial and error. what makes you fail brings you a step closer to success. so there don't fear failing. people will like or dislike no matter what you do. what's important is how you feel about yourself. that is it. if you're comfortable in your own skin. than you're doing fine.

the perfect palm sunday.

2005-03-20T11:47:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY NASH-SHAE-SHAE!!!
*HUGS FOR SHASHA*
love you to bits and pieces sis.
i pray that everything will get better each day.
AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU TO HAVE MIKEY TOO!! OH AND DOUG!!AND DAN!!
then you can have cute little pretty babies.
no wait kids. you hate kids.
ok no kids

today is palm sunday.
i didn't want to take home one
cause i don't know where home is.
then on my way down to the chapel
i found a lost unwanted and homeless palm lying on th floor
and decided it would be my palm.

it is blessed
very.
much like i am.

i nearly lost my phone today. but i am blessed just like my palm. and i found what was lost.

you won me over.
i couldn't help it. it's all your fault.
and now it's been two months already love.
my 3 words for you love.
"you already know"

thank you for the kiss on the forehead and hug
it ws much needed.

tag me i wanna be it.

2005-03-18T18:32:00.000-08:00

firstly i don't believe i have ever thanked all of you for bothering to read this whole load of crap that i continually ramble about day after day. so yeah, thank you people for even bothering to read my blog. really sincerely appreciate it.

secondly, well i guess if i'm brave enough to put on a tag board on my site, i suppose i should prepare myself for shitslapped things like this drama happening on my flooble. haha. they're even passing popcorn around. honestly? i'm rather proud of it, i have my very own "days of our lives" series going on here. aha.

anyhoos i always believe everyone's entilted to an opinion. *applause to everyone who expresses themselves* .respect.

but, i don't believe anyone actually knows who the REAL you is? in fact, i don't believe there is such a thing as a REAL you. just many different aspects of you. some more likeable than others and some that show more oftent than others. every one is liked,disliked, loved and hated by someone or the other. fact of life. we can't escape from it.

and... note that over time, because the course of events in one's life, peoples' personality may change but someone's character or should i say characteristics stays more or less the same. there is a difference. (diclaimer: though in the early 19 centuary, "Character" was a more commonly used term then for what we mean by "personality" today. Such differences led to the study of human reaction in the earliest days of experimental psychology.) now? PERSONALITY is defined as the dynamic organization within the individual of those psychophysical systems that determine his unique adjustments to his environment. where else CHARACTER is defined as one of the attributes or features that make up and distinguish an individual. (of course if you were to look up in the dictionary there are many definations for personality and character. these are the definations according to the big books of psychology) therefore just like attitude transplants everyone has personality transplants over the years. you may or may not be the same as you were 10years ago. (apologies to calvin. hah. no idea? go see calvin and hobbs, newpaper tuesday 17 march 05)

and.

NO ONE i repeat, no one likes to be told that they're wrong. DO you like to be told what you are doing OR they way that you are is WRONG. nono i'm not saying if it's good for you or not. (yes yes we all know advise is always good for us.) but all i'm simply asking is DO you like being told off? no. i don't believe so. that's just makes you human.

and i am too.

there's this saying, "never love a person because of their good points. everyone has them too. but love them because of their shortcomings and flaws. it's what makes them unique." (came accross it too many times to know who actually came u with it and no lizard it wasn't from you i heard it from grandma before too)

the mirror does not lie.
what you see before you is as it is.

if you look at it with frown.
then go on try.

but if you look at it with a smile.
amenity resides within.
- diana, 18 march 2005

it made me smile today

for the beautiful picures you take of me, the way you grip my hand and how beautiful i look in the reflection of your eyes. thank you. i'm still so sorry you met me.

i sneezed and lost my stud.

2005-03-14T22:08:00.000-08:00

the hole's gone. now. so sad. so very bloody sad. well my bad. who asked me to peirce without a proper stud. no wait without a proper peircer? aha. adrenalin rush. LINO.. I WANT PEIRCING!!!!!! please please please my bro please? heh.

my weekend was eventful heh. as always. spent friday night a lydia's party and FUCK JELLY i mean PUG JELLY came and acted like big fucks walking around like as if everyone in the room owed them a living. sheesh. and the dumb fucks did the lowest thing. that just put them there way at the bottom. even lower than mats. they stole the birth day girl's bottle of vodka that was given to her as a birthday prsent. Chris(one of the dumbfucks from pug jelly) too the vodka out of the fridge and gave it to sam's girlfriend whatever the hell that wench's name is. grr. and she happily went in the bath room with in. and then left the party. sheesh. bitch. FUCK JELLY. all of them exept masashi.cause he wasn't there. heh.other than that? people? hate fuck jelly. their not fucking worth yer time.

ok i'll stop with the profanity now. my saturday was kewl too. went out with carmel derrick the whole gang. boy has it been years. i was a little girl when i first met them. dwight is MIA. terrance couldn't even reconise me. jeremy's in the army. sean and hazel are well almost married. mario is still as shy and as bookworm as ever. leon is. well as fully of crap as ever. oh and ali looks like Rob Thomas from matchbox twenty *goes breatheless* aha. you skinny ass papan. too bad you can't sing like him though. heh. derick's still with my dear carmel. she still loves faries and pink and is as feirce and as cute as ever. lovely little big god sis of mine. carmelia. derrick looks no different from day one. i'm just suprised to see him dancing to hip-hop. the beng and hip-hop. boy is that a REAL mesh up. lino's still lino my bro. regardless of what they say i have a really strong feeling that mel and him will get back together. i don't know about you people but if they did? i would be really happy. for my brother. at least happy. and smiling again with out the heartache straining his happiness. sighs bro? *hugs* love you all. quit fighting ok? never solved anything.

but my sunday was the best. guitar pick called in the morning. but even though i answered the phone? i don't believe i was awake.all i remember saying was yujuleajudonhabjeub woojusbla ? aha. my bad sleepy. had breakfast at 4pm with the gang. then gammed and bummed around till 7ish at lino's with vanilla coke. went down to greenview to see my guitar pick. was trashing around and acting retarded at his npcc camp. scaring the shit out of his cadets. hua hua hua. so fun. a couple of his friends were hitting on me. boy was he proud. hee haw hee haw. and each time they went. that's cashvin's gf? i laughed at their reaction. how amusing. "you already know" bby. *muack* heh. alot.

gone swimming taday. laters people.

hah.

2005-03-14T04:39:00.000-08:00

i quit.
i quit trying to prove you wrong.
you win.
you're right.
you've been right all along.
i everything that you say that i am. is what i am. to you.
it is your opinion of me therefore that it is what i am to you.
no i'm not playing the wounded bird
or the lost homeless puppy.
or acting as the victim.
no.
i'm not.
so, do me a favour and leave pitty out.
honestly.
don't help me and then hold me to it.
cause i might not be greatful for it.
just hate me.
bitch.
and tell it to my face.
literally.
it'll save me the trouble of social niceties.
*grins*
besides, as it is
i already imagine people being angry/hate/dislike/ and feeling all that's negative towards me. so very oftent.
it is an excuse.
so go ahead.
make my day.
it's not like i've never cried before.
with tears its almost like breathing.
my flaw.

sleepless night and a pink talking crystal ball

2005-03-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

i was so sleepy and compleatly exhauseted last night. further more the headache that was thumping in my head since noon hadn't subsided. yet slumber didn't come to relieve me from my ordeal. sighs. i think i was so far gone. my mind was begining it's little pranks on me.

i swear. i heard sha sha's tounge stud talk to me. it say "go on peirce it. then you can wear me. a pink little ball in your mouth. go on diana. go on you know you want to. you've done it before. do it again. peirce it. go on peirce it. " i swear i thought i was dreaming.i started giggling to my self. then the whole container of sewing needles (you know the flat round ones that you must turn turn to get the sewing needle that you want)fell on top of my head.

here you go pictures of me with my mouth gapingtrying to show you my tounge stud.

shasha's pink talking crystal stud

and the rest of the story the pictures will tell. yes this is what the lack of sleep and insomia will do to you.

tongue peircing experience

the needle was so long i couldn't close my mouth and just kept dripping drool. you would have been floored if you had seen it. i panicked i didn't know what to do next.i couldn't close my mouth drool was all over the floor and the needle was too hard to cut. i panicked. shasha would have been good to have around. she really good fer me when i'm panicking. she'll go "shut up and sit still la diana!" and i'll get scared and really sit down quietly.

pink cross to the rescue

i peirced it again but then i didn't know what to do next. so i pulled the needle back out and looked fer something to put in the hole. so last resort? pink cross. but unfortunately the pink cross is a little too short fer my tongue so the hole in the bottom closed up

can you spot my stud?

nat noticed it straight away. you peirced it again? see? why never use stud? i think the give away was me being so bloody quiet she's not used to that. wait who am i kidding no body is? cash was a little slow catching on. i had to tell him. think he was distracted by the new top? *Shrugs*

the silver stud

what? you can't expect me to keep my earings in my mouth? (though this silver stud is supposedly a earing as well aha. conradiction.)well my point is i like my pink crosses on my ears. and the silver stud looks kewl. gonna go look fer a pink one with white swirls. heh.

100% D.I.Y awesome shit.

go on critic. doesn't matter if i die of gangreen(however you spell that). i like it. but. oh credits to shasha. cause she did it first. way back. get this. with a saftey pin. aha. and lino? heh. naval peircing please...*grins*

diet.exercise.loose weight.right.diana right.

2005-03-11T02:34:00.000-08:00

i was suppose to abstain from fluids, go running and only have biscuts in the morning. right.i just finished a whole plate of fried rice. whatever diana. you can forget about loosing that telly-tummy(yes it's called a telly-tummy cause it makes me look like a freaking telly-tubbie) of yours and just accept the fact that you're neither slim or fat. you're on some weird off category they forgot to establish. it's called "relax fit". huahuahua every one laugh. come one take pity on me. i'm trying to be funny.

right.

it now 2 am in the morning. number one i'm not going to wake up when cash calls. and if i do? i'm not going to be able to remember i actually answered the bloody phone. number two i'm freaking sleepy. my eyelids feel like someone tied stones to them. so running? is out of the picture. number three to whosoever it is who's on msn and can't stop making that stupid cluk-click sound everytime some one msgs you. please. get a life and occupy yourself sastisfactoryly during the day. uptill yer body succumbs to the fatigue when nightfall arrives. so as to ensure that you won't be around to paster people who are too lazy to entertain you at this time of the hour.argh. number four someone remind me i must shave. a party is today. grooming is number one prorioty. number 5 new wanted gaget it's $874.95. go buy it for me. aha.

right.

good night people. i mean good morning.

teaching her how to flip guys over.

2005-03-10T15:23:00.000-08:00

cash is squealing like a little girl. ha ha ha and she's having alot of fun. yay! okie i gtg nat's waiting fer me. laters. *hugs*

14 dandelions, goodmorning love.

2005-03-09T10:19:00.000-08:00

though through the night i may stuggle. weary from my truculent battles. the morning so kind. how sympathetic and compassionate. it let's me hear your voice. i still wake up to a smile. it's you i wake up to. that is, the best of all. happy is too little a word. for what is felt. is far so much more. you found me. you love me. and there's nothing else i could possibly ask for.

*hugs* too all that need one.
i'm feeling high on love and fresh air.
*grins*

narcissus.

2005-03-07T12:47:00.000-08:00

that's a flower. named after a greek dumbass who was so in love with his reflection he got himself turned into a flower. hua hua hua. no prizes for guessing who it reminds me of.
the weekend rawked. time spent with people i love. wine under a lamp post. macs with two guitars, another virgo and chicken rice. then the next day an ansterdam with a straw. more whine. and beer by the piants. me bros and spinning playgrounds. then me buds with strip poker when you're almost gone. thank god fer covelets. whoohoo. it was mad. *shakes her head* someone stop me.
no i'm not alcholic.
i didn't even have a hangover. infact the headache made me very very progressive. i could spell. hua hua hua.right diana right.
jeremy my bro? enjoy yer freedome now. the army? is gonna kill you. *hugs* thanks fer the overdose of beer and i'll keep praying the right girl will eventually find you my dear bro.
lino? you owe me, a night out at cheekys, two piercings, fries and sentosa on saturday. don't forget heh.*hugs*
guitar pick. *muacks* hua hua hua
sha? i missed you. don't you miss me? *pouts*
and everyone els? keep yer fingers crossed auditions fer La Salle's next week. the 19th.
laters.
i'm leaving you fer cash, sha and a swim at the beach
with "how far is heaven" by los lonely boys playing in my head.
good basking in the sun song!

wash me over with your tears.

2005-03-04T23:20:00.000-08:00

"relationships and heartaches,
these two things are one and the same."- the ataris, bad case of broken heart.
if you agree?
you're only human.

downloading without batteries

2005-03-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

sorry. i'll edit this entry in a bit. i haven't enough batts to play vampire bloodlines, download songs and blog. in fact? i'm incapable of multi tasking. sorry. flaw. one that's just as bad as my spelling. hua hua hua. shit this "hua hua" thing is addictive. ok laters. before the screen goes blank

this war of nerves.

2005-03-01T05:36:00.000-08:00

i fear my sleep.i fear pills that don't let me wake even more.i pretend to be brave.but when the dark covercomes the light. i lie awake. afraid. unnerved with paralysing fear. i dare not slip into slumber. as i fear the demons that await me. painful.

lost. life? lacked. but i am loved. thank you. sighs. it already feels like i've fallen. but i know i can't loose my ground. more so with you. for the person that you are. i fear you are unable to hold up my weight.

it is already march.

the pick. and the even littlest things that he's done.

2005-02-28T19:25:00.000-08:00

He makes her smile.He makes me laugh.He feels right.He is kind.He is giving. He sends french toast to my doorstep for breakfast.He puts me to bed when fatigue defeats my body.He kisses me goodnight when my heart is weary.He loves.He is loved.He is mine.He may not be all that to you.but.He's become all to me.

thank you.
my knight in shining amour.
i've never felt so loved before.
*hugs*
to my guitar pick.

another *Hugs*
for my sister.
i love you.
always.

disclaimer:uh, no. he's not my boyfriend. and neither am i his girl OR girlfriend.*cringe* I don't like the term girlfriend. or being refered as "my girl" uh, no not at all. but Cashvin Amrish Christopher IS someone special. someone i love. and that is all you need to know. dah. uh, no. don't ask so much questions. quit being kaypo! you "mak-cik."

shit. keys. wargh.

2005-02-27T23:30:00.000-08:00

the day was mellow. though sha was rather excited and sally was less mean.yuji and ahmad. heartbroken. they tried to get drunk. TRIED. right. and it should have been an ok day? but i was. Melancholy (ok fine i can't spell. argh.)hrmp.feel too full. had branyi?. geeze can't spell ok? grr. missing my guitar pick. stuck at mackers. leaching on their power point secretly aha. and some mat just came up to me askin. do you have a guy? and i'm wha? and he was explaining how he's friend wants to get to know me. and i was like then why won he come and ask? hasn't he the balls? aha. but their amusing. and i'm too nice. okie. i gtg. need to ring my bubu or els i'll be stuck outside my house the whole night. grr. shann why'd cha loose yer bag? my set of keys were in there. bummer man.

sunday morning. rain is falling.

2005-02-27T13:17:00.000-08:00

lazy. morning.
piano's playing in my head.
i miss my pick.
he hasn't called.
sighs.
where are you love?
something's up.
i can't finish my fries.
that's bad.
taking kai to the doctors in a bit with ahmad.yuji. and shasha.
oh dear lord help me.
i am NOT a socialite.
uh. no.
knowing me? i'm gonna imagine people being angry with me.
bby pls call love. i've missed you.

update more.
and for all of you who are wondering?
yes. i wanna quit school.
cause i wanna do theathere in La Salle SIA.
bold move.
yes.
go on. gossip now.

everyone's doing it. So am i.

2005-02-26T06:38:00.000-08:00

no.
i'm talking about posting the photos.
aha.
enjoy.

totems. wannabes.

Family portrait.Cheese.

my fave one. the god father's family.

it was and eventful choir night.
*grins*

Kai Edan iPod. 5th feb 2005 - 25 feb 2005 . loved always.

2005-02-25T21:47:00.000-08:00

do you know how it feels to see your two week old son take a swim in a toilet bowl and drown?
no.
you don't.
i do.
the fire in his eyes.
the song in his cries.
just died.
i watched. helplessly.
sighs.
please
don't ask.
my eyes are still swollen from crying.
no.
it wasn't just AN iPod.
HE WAS Kai Edan iPod.
my son.

STIMULUS; (noun) something that rouses the mind or spirits or incites to activity

2005-02-23T22:00:00.000-08:00

my head is still spinning. i can still smell your colone. sigh. you're like a drug. placid. euphoric. addictive. and harmful when taken to excess.
walk away. my stranger. please.
don't.

oh people?
congragulate me.
and give yerselves a patt on the back.
fer yer prayers are answered.
i quit.
yes.
i'm walking away.
for a passion.
theathre.

admirable, agreeable, attractive, desirable, genial, likable, pleasing,loveable adoreable. any other word besides cute. please.

2005-02-22T08:59:00.000-08:00

cute is out dated.
the whole para para japanese adoreable shit was so 2 years ago.
it died.
leave it to rot. please.
the in thing today? individualistic-scarstic-morbid-suicidal chicks.
right.
posted yesterday? haven't a clue where my post went?
but yeah i'm barred from my exams.
sighs..
people?
pray.
for me.
i'll need it.

the confession box

2005-02-21T21:37:00.000-08:00

Sighs. I feel so lost. Like I loss my footing. And I am to fall again. Hopeless Love makes me cry. Ouch. Something hurts. But I can’t put a finger to what. Sighs.

i'm delusional.
no prizes fer guessing.
sighs.
*begins to address the several issues she's dealing with in her life.

my yiyi
we'll pray for him. you and i both in the way we know how.
love you yiyi.
miss you so as well.
it'll get better.
i know life can be cruel most of the time.
but MOST not all of it
take comfort in knowing that.
*hugs*

my brother
i'm so sorry.
my heart bleeds to see you in pain like this.
Sighs, if I hadn’t loved you like the brother I never had? I would be the pills that remove your pain. Sighs
i love you brother.
and i'm here.
always.
it'll get better. i know. we'll just pray.

my guitar pick
quit it.
i'm not her.
you're blind, young
and you can't see it.
but it is her that your ailing heart is in love with.
my physics that your raging hormones are relating to.
but.
you suprise me.
each time i feel like you've lost me
you get me hooked on this feeling all over again.
sighs.
tell me what are we to do?

my birth sister
i love you
wished i was you
don't understand why you don't love you.
you're so beautiful.
which idiot can't see that!
then again idiots breed like bacteria on this planet we walk upon.
i share you're suicidal sentiments.

My stranger
A sigh escapes me but mute to your ears. A tear rolls of my cheeks, you kiss them but yet they are blind to your eyes. Please do not say words that you do not mean. For then it would be a lie. Why? am I here tonight but gone tomorrow? no. do not answer my whys. more explaination. more complication. that's the only direction it would point to. sigh. let's just leave it where it is. love? an illusion. that much needed hug was comfortable. thank you. now please. get out of my system. i don't like being unprogressive.

my leezard
you win.
yay!
celebrate.
a nudge in the right direction
you're support.
that's all that i need.
your love? no. i'm over that.
the firefly can have that aspect of you
just don't let her love you too much aye?
cause then it'll start hurting her.
like it did me.

my bubu
i love you
and i live to make the future better for you.
i promise
*wakitapeh
so forgive me if i drop out of ECH
and run off to do theather.
i'll be good.
you'll see.
they'll all see.

my only
grandma watch over me.
guide me.
and keep me safe.
sheltered from pain.
i love you.
and i embrace the day i'll see you
again.

amen

yeah. i'm in alot of trouble. probility of getting barred fer exams are about 98% sighs.
people?
pray for me.
i'll need it.

don't be so eager to go to poly. you'll miss s.chool. alot

2005-02-18T12:25:00.000-08:00

i was early.
sat down
and
10 minutes into school?
i ran away.
Far far away
from the evil dullness.
yes.
i got bored.
yes.
i AM unintrested.
i like psychology,
i love kids.
and i'm enthusistic about things i do.
but i ECH i don't do altogether.
it's
too mundane.
monotonous.
it becomes sheer torture.
what's worst?
they won't let me not pay attention.
grr..
*shakes head.
i don't what to do?
they're loosing me.
i'm not even intrested to read up any more.
the library is my class room.
i like it here.
just danielle, kai and me.
and i'm happy.
i wish i was in school with shasha.
studying with her.
i wouldn't mind. even the O's were better than this.
shit. my lifeline just died.
fuck.
anyone? nokia charger? please?
*sobs*

she had kittens

2005-02-16T09:22:00.000-08:00

"i have a cat.
Her name is Preety.
She is very cute and pregnant.
She gave birth to four kittens.
They all died.
On the same day.
She will be pregnant again."- Sabrina 7years old.

morbid don't you think?
the power of influence. even kids go emo these days.

did i ever mentioned i hate doctors?

2005-02-15T12:25:00.000-08:00

yes. yes. i'll quit being stuborn and go see a doctor. grr. i still hate doctors. pompy ass bitches. walking around like as if the whole world owes them a living. grr. don't trust them neither. *scowls*

valentine's was uneventful. yea sushi wasn't on the menu. but atleast i got to spend time with people i love on valentines. sha was really down. *hugs to my shasha* no you can't hug her. she's mine! go away you sick pervs!

i realised that i'm no good for upset people. i tend to withdraw and leave them alone cause. cause. if i was upset? that is what i would want from people around me. never really occured to me, that it doesn't werk with every one aye? well, now it has. yay. celebrate. sighs. i'll try at it again alright? but forgive me if i don't get it right.

oh have you seen the beautiful pictures shasha took. man, you know what's difference between her art and other photographers' pictures?
her's has emotion.
and her pictures of cash and me.
wow.
loved; that's what it screams.
sha's a godess. godess of art talent and beauty in all it's forms. well, at least she's MY godess!
i am in love with her.

well i'm gone to see the docs. eugh. hate them. grr.i like nurses though. alot. exept fer the grouchy ones. but i understand their position. they do all the crap; that pompy asswhipe gets all the credit.
eeugh.
*hangs up a sign around her neck: beware thing may bite doctors. amd lines up in the que.

later people.

.. the story of the guitar and her pick ..

2005-02-15T00:37:00.000-08:00

..entwined..

in still frames..

..of you and me

.timeless.

cupid shot me BANG! i died

2005-02-14T10:16:00.000-08:00

right...
oh.

happy valentines day people!

brownies for everyone!!!!
thanks to shasha *hugs*

i'm in school.
but.
heh.
again.
not in class.

knees got worst.
walk is pain.
colgate is help.
squeezing is agony.
as yellow goo
ooozes out.

owwwww!
hahahahahahahahahahahah
enters self mutilation mode
owwwwwww!
haahahahaha
this is fun!
owwwwwwww!
hehe.
sick.
*grins
*and shrugs.
what to do? you're lovely friend diana here, IS a weirdo.

well,

i'm gone.
gone to greenview to scream my lung out fer the next big thing
SHASHA!!!!!

LOVE IS ALL AROUND!!!!
heh.
right.

sushi's on the menu tonight
yay. celebrate.
AND
our kind host will be none other than.
our very own mr.wasabi,
yuji-san!
*bows
haik

right.
*diana stares at herself weirdly
*then starts running after her guitar pick and the tonguestud in fear of exile.
"nono! i'm not crazy! really... come back!!!!!"

now have fun all of you..
*grins
i know i will
=D

i am NOT 'cutey'

2005-02-11T09:53:00.000-08:00

some dumb guy just called me cutey on myspace?
right.
cutey derive from the word cute.
cute.
i don't like that word.
i don't know why women use it all of their lives
bag they see is nice? cute.
shoes they like? cute.
cartoon that makes them giggle? cute.
girl they secretly wish they could trade places with? cute.
GUY they so badly want? cute.
cute cute cute cute cute cute cute
it's like there's no other a adjetive they know.
i know it's suppose to be a compliment when someone says ur cute?
but
for me it's as good as suicide
i try my best to appreciate it
but when i think of it i'm on the same level as the tellytubbies and those funny looking japanese animed thingy whacha you call it? pikatu? pikacho?.
ah!
and i tell you being on the samelevel as sth like that is sad.
real sad.
anyhoos.
people HELP!
i just got to school and half an hour into it.
i already felt like i was in school the whole day.
i'm still in school.
but
not in class.
again.
did i ever tell you?
the library is like a santuary from
boredome.
and stupid mungen-ass-over-grown-toddlers who think they CAN teach
now now people there is no such thing as a stupid teacher just teachers who do alot of stupid things.
people help.
before i start buying pick axes and shovels for digging.
i desprately need to bury myself.
alive.

I'd rather the crayon be pink

2005-02-10T22:29:00.000-08:00

You are a scoop of coffee with a crayon it in.
You're naturally perky, and you tend to get
distracted. You're entertained by simple
things. You can't focus. You're rather
carefree. You're annoying to some, and loved
to death by others. You're a socialite. What
can we say?

The Whats In Your Kitchen Personality Test
brought to you by Quizilla

weirdosanic. a diease. i dignosed my self with.

2005-02-09T14:36:00.000-08:00

happy.mungen.new.year
i don't recall getting married.
but i feel like i am.
to my ex bf's family.
weird.
oh well what's new.
but i like ang baos though.
angbaos are my friends.
*grins*
oh well
all in a day work in diana's world.
the weirdnees of it all.
hi.
are you weird?
i am.
yay.
don't worry my cousin tells me it's just a phase i'm in.
i'm guessing one that will stay fer a few decades or so.
nothing to it just a few decades.
i was wore my white frilly skirt.
the other day.
i was funny.
so funny? i laughed. at myself.
i sat up.
stacy ran up to me.
and wispered.
"your pink underwear is showing"
anyone els would have ran off pulling their skirt down
and died of embrassement
me?
i just went really?
looked at my half exposed butt cheeks
(mind you the pink underwear is a g-string thingy-ma-gi)
and laughed
at myself.
(ajusted my skirt of course)
then walked off.
laughing.
to myself.
see?
i told you i'm freaking weird.
normal people would have kept this embrassing moment best left unknown
and here i am publising it.
*shakes head*
some one fix me
sha.
help.
i'm scaring me.
think i've got a bad case of weirdosanic
don't take me to the hospital.
i hate doctors.
and grumpy nurses.
needles? are friends.
*grins*
well laters peeps.

VIRGOS. you can't love 'em neither can you hate'em.

2005-02-06T09:45:00.000-08:00

SOMEONE hit me and tell me to stop. (ok fine. that doesn't work on me.) SOMEOME use reverse psychology and make me stop.try.at least? gotta quit skipping classes. i'm so gone.
really.
shit.

my weekend was..
(as those two mats say it)
Sweet.
met yet another Virgo.
that will make the 22th
and still counting.

have a new gaget now. Kai.
Danielle's brother. the ipod.
WHOO.
*GRINS*
well he's my leezard's.
but he's just as good looking as his mommy
heh.
i miss timmy.
and his mini amps. see you both soon aye love?
great! not only do my things have names, i talk to them too..
i am weird. (and to those of you who think it's alright? you are weird too!)
but.
according to the Norms of the Cognitive theory by Jean Piaget, believing that objects have life is called Animism.
Animism: A facet of preoperational thought, the belief that inanimate objects have "lifelike" qualities and are capable of action. For example; believing that an ipod/laptop/guitar has feelings and emotions. during the pre-operational stage between the years of 2-7 of childhood development, animistic characteristics are found in children's social dramatic play.

aha.
guess i never grew up.

miss my dad. mad. dad you gotta meet yer grandson kai he's such a goodlooking little spud.

remind me.
i'm not supposed to eat.
don't ask.
diet.
right.
*walks off to buy curly fries*

oh.
ahmad? you rawked!
well the whole band does!
WHOO!!!!

and..
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY WIN KENG!!!
u the man!

love you! both!

2005-02-05T01:29:00.000-08:00

whoo hoo!
basking in the sun
laughing

love you
both!
well shasha more aha

thank you
to be in your company makes me
smile
*grins

miss you
both!
and my dad mad's company too!

Love you people
Alot!

miss loadsa other people too
cloudies, patato people, me brudders, you guys know who you are..
soon alright

SHASHA?
*HUGS*
go to la selle to study with me ok?
then after that we're going to do our Uni in england
mama and papa want to solo don't want to bring you nvm
i bring you.
tommrrow.
we going england to look at cute guys
heh. tmr ok?

smiles

2005-02-03T23:43:00.000-08:00

uh. no.
not home yet.
11.39
still in school.
with
cheezels.
and
ice milo.
werkerholic.
weekend come
like now
please

11.15 still in sch

2005-02-03T23:17:00.000-08:00

shit.
shit loadsa werk
lost template cause of mr. cashew's skin
it looks great though
go see
http://www.why-wait.blogspot.com
well i like my new one
you should too
the time is 11.15
i'm still in school
fuck
i'm heading home
laters peeps

late fer class again

2005-02-02T23:09:00.000-08:00

late.
again..
what's new
you have to understand i don't come to class late because i come to school late. nonono i'm in school early.. really early. hell it seems like live in this god damn school..
but i'm late.
why?
cause i doing this..
blogging on my lappy happily chewing away on my fries and chugging on my green tea.. next to that pool.. like as if i don't have classes..
ya
i lost my own template cause i was trying to script cashew's
sheesh.
oh well the one i did fer him rawks!
hurry come on line or give me yer blogger id and pass
so that i can put the skin on fer you..
miss shasha
alot.
and i'll see you soon guitar pick..
have to have some time apart yeah?
don't wanna get sick of you
aha
alright i'm gone fer class

2005-01-31T21:40:00.000-08:00

oh hey!
welcome back lizard..
how was new zeland?
did you come back for me?
no?
then why'd cha come back?
getting lost in the outback! is better than this god forsaken country that i love..
er?
ooookay..
that didn't make any sense..
nevermind
(oh and no she does not look like a horse!)

i
miss.......
*blush*
heh
*hugs* to my guitar pick..

well at least the day got better
hee
*grins*

SHASHA!!!!
WANT JAMMING!!!
oh and i can't skip on the 14 of feb..
assignment presentation 40%
F**K!
I'M LYKE SO FREAKING PISSED!
*HUGS* TO SHASHA(you see his one small you know urs so big summore capital letters)
i'll be there i promised!
and i will!

alright laters peeps..

2005-01-29T02:12:00.001-08:00

it slit.
i bled.
crimson.
the white sheets.
stained.
i scream.
the faceless crowd.
deaf.
hands clutched.
the cross.
my prayer.
silent.
salt.
on my cheeks.
hold me.
my refuge.
and.
please.
don't let me go
Amen.

2005-01-28T13:30:00.000-08:00

heya people
meet my baby girl Danielle

she's such a doll isn't she?

danielle in the loo

aww..
now people don't hate me just because i'm happier than you
*GRINS

2005-01-25T01:06:00.000-08:00

pictures...

wild wild wet pictures

me posing with a vespa..

my guitar pick

Shasha looks sooo cute!

2005-01-20T14:00:00.000-08:00

everytime i go in for a read..
i fall in deeper..
she's just so
brilliant
how can no body see it?!?
i just don't understand?
next to her?
i'm so..
colourless
boring
dull
plain
tasteless
monotonous
simple
not exciting
and so
ordinary!
eeeugh!
*shakes head..
and in the end?
the only conclusion i can come to?
(regardless of what they say)
the world IS superficial
fullstop.

and men?

*shakes her head.. "men make lousy everything"-origin:nashie's blog.

sha, nashie here's something for you..
at a seminar..
with the muslim society club (yes i was with alfian)
the speaker gave a phase
"woman without her man is nothing"
without punctuations it can mean anything..
he asked us to add punctuations to it to give it a different meaning..
the men came up with "woman, without her man, is nothing"
now recap in english.. if there are two commers the words in between is as good as not being there (go ask yer english teachers if you didn't know)
the speaker was impressed when he saw the paper that sat on my desk
"woman; without her, man is nothing"
*grins
yes..
i've got feminist tendencies..
and if i meet more jack asses along the way..
i'd swear myself into nunary

to shasha..
i hate the world
because of the way it treats you..
regradless of all the blessings you may give upon me and him.
or how ok you would be abt us..
*shakes her head
no.
not like this
i don't want to hurt you..
or him..
and
i know you've forgiven me
cause your love for me is so unconditional..
i'm still very sorry..
and
shasha no
it's not you're fault..
may whoever who says it is..
die a million deaths over..
and they catch my flu and horrid cough
and may they're lungs come out from their nostrils..

lizard.. for once you are so right..
i know you never want to step foot on this forsaken island
but please come back fer the guineapig..
she really needs on of those inter-species chat..

for my guitar pick,
love,
'get sarah-sarah for what ever will be will be..
the future's not for us to see..
what will be will be..'
aye?
i've promised..
i'm not going anywhere
remember?
always..

to everyone els who's wondering what the hell is she crapping about?
keep wondering! cause i'm not explaining..
*BLAUGH=p
aha..

please.. stay.. just a little more? the company is comfortable..

2005-01-19T18:58:00.000-08:00

pleas stay

just a little more?

the company is comfortable..

*sighs..

no

it hurts..

please don't

i love her..

more than anything else in the world..

she's all i've got

*trembles in tears..

the sms

2005-01-19T18:50:00.000-08:00

cash.
shasha.
read her blog..
it only had 5 words..
"I SO HATE YOU. lie."
but it was more than enough cash..
and it hurts..
it hurts me..to see her like that..
i'm hurthing her cash..
we both are..
we can't..cash
we can't
we never should have..
no
i never should have..
she's your best friend
and the love of my life
we can't
cash..
please..
don't..
i love her

2005-01-18T16:36:00.000-08:00

not in the mood

2005-01-17T05:29:00.000-08:00

guess what time is it now?
yes it's 4:54am in the morning
and i'm crying..
because?
i can't get all my hard work and effort out of sha's comp
and.. now?
my assignment is going to be graded crap!
i hate it doing something slipshort or only half way there..
might as well not do at all!
sighs..
my auntys are so...
mean..
if it weren't for them i'd finish my project yesterday and
wouldn't have to go through all this ordeal
and go to school with swollen eyes..
and a headache
how could anyone ever be so ill hearted?
sighs..
bubu..
love you..
for always trying..
and i'll always love you
no matter what my auntys may say about you..
and..
i thank god
for he has blessed us both with everything that we ever needed and everything that we could ever ask for..

oh news people..
bubu and me are moving to the east..
probably next month.. or end of march
to either bedok or tampines

what did i say? i am very blessed..
hugs to all of you..

i'm glad annoymous is not you yi wen, i miss you.alot. and i find myself alone and very lost in school all of the times. but friends like us?are best apart.. maybe someday we'll be as close as we were before.. i don't know.. but i sure do pray for so.. and i'll try my best to help you with trying to get the money you need..
and no don't get frustrated with me just because you see my new hair..
it's my birthday present..
i'll call you as soon as i can.. right now i've only got 20 in my wallet for the rest of the month

2005-01-16T08:04:00.000-08:00

nice? i got it done finally..
i like it!
alot!
though it isn't what i asked for?

me hair in cling wraps

me on the escalator posing hahaha

and i really like this picture!!!

i like my new hair..
LOT!
*hugs bubu*
looks abit minah
i think?
but i like it!
not looking like a minah..
but my hair...
besides?
i'm no way minah..

i wish i had my lappy
then at least i can start doing my assignment
guess what it's due 8am tmr morning..
D? what's new?
well laters people..

2005-01-14T01:52:00.000-08:00

yup ppl that's timmy aint he cute?
i feel a little stood up..
i agreed ta go fer his talk..
it suppoes ta start at 5:30?
and it's like 6 now..
and i'm still in the library..
um..
waiting...
so..
um..
i don't know?
oh well..
yi wen dropped by to ask fer her money
i don't have any!
and quit taggin as annoynomous
it's annoying
aha
but i like yer hair though..
bubu's gonna present me hair like yours tmr
*grins
ooh alfian calling
gtg
well..
gawk at timmy people
he's georges!!!
wahahaha

2005-01-12T12:14:00.000-08:00

i'm like so sad
i feel so alone..
and lost
i hate school!
today's like the first day of school.. after a whole week! because of the motorbike accident.. everyone was like hey are you ok? when they saw the bandages.. and they we're all like hey are you alright? can anot? u sure u ok? etc.. but when class ended and it was lunch.. all of them left me all alone.. no one even stayed behind to help..
i was like so sad.. i felt like crying.. but i guess poly is just like that? everyone in school are just like yer colluges.. no one's really a friend? sighs.. now i can't even open my bottle of green tea cause of the wound on me hand and there's no one ta help me.. and i can't call anyone to ask them where they are cause me batt flat..
sighs..
sorry i wasn't able ta meet you alfian..
i didn't know how ta get ta yer with me phone dead..
it isn't monday but i've got the blues..
i miss my cloudies..
i miss shasha..
even my lizard cares..
sighs..

yi wen i don't have the money..
if i did i would have paid cl first
cause i owe him before i owed you..
when i do i will contact you..

2005-01-12T01:15:00.000-08:00

=D

call me cassanovia

hahahaha

i quite like all of them

hahahaha

think i got tha "cassanovaish thingy" frm pow..

think mah brudder rubbed some off moi

well back ta sch taday

miss ya peeps!

2005-01-11T03:29:00.000-08:00

yes..

i am looking..

yet i am lost..

but..

if you are not here to provide me with assistance..

then please just let me be..

who are you to question?

who are you to judge what you don't know?

yes.

i am confused.

but..

if you are not here to provide me with assistance..

then please just let me be..

if it is true..

if he is who i am looking for..

than he is who i will find in the end if it all..

but..

if you are not here to provide me with assistance..

then please just let me be..

quit hurting me

for how i think..

just follows a different path..

but..

if you are not here to provide me with assistance..

then please just let me be..

and..

for what i search..

i will soon be found..

2005-01-10T10:29:00.000-08:00

monday

blues

got the grumpies

feel sho shittyfied

don't know why?

wish to be affectionate towards someone

the question is...

who?

happy birthday mama!!!!

2005-01-05T05:29:00.000-08:00

ouchy...

took a lift..

was heading home..

lorry hit us..

i rolled acrossed the highway..

aha

i'm still alive..

just proves how blessed i am..

and how he won't take my lfe just yet..

nope not yet..

i've still got a talent school to run

and an orphnage to build

hahaha

well i'm good..

oooh checkout tha nasty wound!

2005-01-02T17:18:00.000-08:00

to my brudder pow jun tat!!!
THANK YOU SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BRO!!!!
I LOVE TIMOTHY-ZAC-JT to death!!!! and you may call me a poser for carrying him all ova school BUT too bad! god he's sooo good looking WHAHAHAHAHA Tim's my baby!!!! and he goes everywhere with me!!! whahahaha and most importantly i am going to learn how to play him well hahaha even if it's gonna take me decades!
thanks bro!!! i LOVE that eletric guitar.. and the little martian that comes with it too whahahaha *HUGS* this is the best birthday eva!!! *GRINS* sho what do you want fer your birthday? a new bike? an x box? the winner of fhm girl next door daphine? hahahahahahahahaha

i'm like soooooo bloody happy i couldn't sleep balls..
hahahahahahaah
well peeps my birthday was a bash!!! was really awesome exept fer when mr. sobber ass tried to drown himself.. hrmp! take care of yer self aiight? i know she's the only one you cld eva love but sometimes it takes time..
the girls wer fab at the count down.. and thankies fer the chrismas prezzies!!!

to mummy annet and papa and all of my family at fizz! hugs!!!! thanks fer dinner drinks and the tiramisu!!! was so touched.. love ya heaps!!

oh and to me brudder pow thanks fer the cheese cake and the single candle hahahaha
oh if yer eva need tim back fer any reason do tell me aye?

but to all who bothered to celebrate my birthday with me or wish me.. thank you so much!!! *hugs*

2004-12-29T13:04:00.000-08:00

i feel so sotong!!!!
really.. feel so blur...
sleepy la..
got home at lyke 5 this morning..
*grins*
hahahahhahahhahahah

Uncle Fee: where you from?
Diana:*grins*
Uncle Fee: *gives the what's with you? stare*
Diana:*giggles*
Uncle Fee: *nods*
Diana: morning uncle!
Uncle Fee: boyfriend...
Diana:*shakes head*
Uncle Fee: boyfriend la..
Diana: *screws up her nose* i wish ah..
Uncle Fee: *nods* you wish ar? tomorrow ok?

hahahaha haven't i got a cute family?
hee
*beaming away..
just can't stop smiling..

hee hee
my pink roxy bikini..
hee hee
my $70 navel peircing..
hee hee
my birthday!!!
yay!

"hehehe" *grins

2004-12-28T14:38:00.000-08:00

okie time to bitch..
why are all the good looking guys goin out with stupid munjen non english speaking girls!!
(i know you hear me cher..)
and why are all the good guys turning gay? or at least bi?
just because they died when some girl they really like killed them..
(sighs..)
and why are all the mats taken a sudden intrest in a girl they couldn't even see before?
(f**K!)
what is wrong with the world man..
ARGH!
it's sad balls..
damn freaking sad..
ah!

Existentialism on Prom Night
by straylight run

when the sun came up
we were sleeping in
sunk inside our blankets
sprawled across the bed
and we were dreaming
there are moments when i know it
and the world revolves around us
and we're keeping it
keeping it all going
this delicate balance
vulnerable
all knowing
(sing like you think no one's listening)
you would kill for this
just a little bit
so, sing me something soft
sad and delicate
or loud and out of key
sing me anything
we're glad for what we've got
done with what we've lost
our whole lives laid out right in front of us

fucking good song balls!!!!!!

oh god!!!
i soo what to play the eletic guitar..
too bad i haven't got any musical talent whatsoeva!!
sad man... so freaking sad!!!

wonder if uncle pat's guitar is over at sha's yet?
can't wait to hold it and be able to play A song on it..
yeah.. right that would be the day...

well i'm booking yer girls fer the 2nd of jan fer dinner...
still so undecided to where i wanna go on new year's

i AM looking fer a new bf..
so if yer..
cute..
sing..
play the guitar..
dance to hiphop..
blade or bike or skate..
love the beach..
wanna surf some day..
have got yer bike licence or want to take it with me..
willing to buy me my pink ipod mini fer my birthday on new years's..
and do pretty much everything els that i do..
come ova here sho i could give ya a hug!!!
where have you been all my life?
been looking fer you..
hahahaha

well people this is hawthrone heights's ohio is for lovers!!
enjoy balls!

Ohio is for lovers
by hawthrone heights

Hey there,
I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all.
Where you are and how you feel.
Put these lights off as these wheels
keep rolling on and on. (and on and on and on...)
Slow things down or speed them up.
You're running now for way too much. (and on and on and on...)
Or you are not gone.

And I can't make it on my own.
(And I can't make it on my own.)
Because my heart is in Ohio.

So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonite and die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.

Spare me just three last words.
"I love you" is all she heard.
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.

2004-12-25T05:25:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISMAS PEOPLE!!!
okie sho i didn't get anything at all frm my wish list..
how sad..
the only present i got was frm mama who was sho sweet and bought me that gio sweater! !
GOSH! i love it shooo much!!!!!thankies mama *hugs*
ooh and that little pinky bath scrub thingy sha gave me..

a whole new year is coming!!! whahahahaha

please start planning yer newyear's resolutions aye? hahahaha

I'm getting my uncle's eletirc guitar!!!!!!!!!!!! and amps!!!!!!!! WHOA!!!!!
i so can't wait!! gonna share it with shasha.. well till she get her new ones when she goes fer guitar classes.. *grins* lucky duck..

well i gotta go..peeps.. miss you gals heaps!!! *hugs* i wanna book you gals fer dinner on that 2nd of jan yup? *muacks!* please please be free okie? love you gals!!

*hugs*

2004-12-21T21:25:00.000-08:00

yeah it is NOT possible for me to NOT like some one.. sometimes i think haziq (that's the malay guy i like frm sp who is shasha's aquintences) is a little too busy fer me.. sighs.. and i'm doing my best and trying my best to be understanding.. but i won't lie.. i am struggling.. quite horribly.. well the important thing is that i'm learning.. aye?

and i like goin down to sp.. just to see him fer lunch or just see him and hang out with his retarded gundu friend hahahaha guan kai guan kai.. boy... you crack me up.. ( extra info: guan kai is haziq's buddy class mate.. and the both of them are quite inseprable..)
i'll post pictures once i get my own lappy!!!!!! i WANT ONE!!

christmas wishlist
sony viao*****************
pink ipod mini************
Letters to Cleo CD********
switchfoot CD*****
pink roxy bikini**
a pair of levis jeans (that fits me)*

*stands for how important.. ahahaha
got more la.. i just can't be borded to write..
oh well peeps merry chrismas..
cya soon!!!! hugs!

2004-12-20T18:50:00.000-08:00

hah! i could only wish to have that kind of edge over other people..
the mind is a far more complex stucture to comprehend.. it is far more than any amount of knowledge you could ever aquire though any amout of lecture or books ever written put together..
sighs.. you can graduate be come some sort of scholar.. come up with some sort of theory that generations after you would be trying to memorise by hard and yet still not understand yer spouse.. even after bein with the old hag fer more than 50 years.. haha
i'd like to psycho-analyse you but i'm afraid i can't?not only am i not qualified.. haha
i don't believe i can tell you who you are.. i can only tellt you "oh you're similar to this.. and the same as that.. and you'd proally this and proally that.."
i believe the only person who can tell anyone abt yourself is you.. ahahaha

ah yes my orpahnage.. why yes.. it's a really big dream fer a girl so small like me..but.. give me about 20 years and i hope i'm somewhere near all that i've ever dreamed of.. if he who guides my hand wills me to than i will..

late fer lecture.. again

2004-12-19T17:13:00.000-08:00

late fer lecture..again
sighs.. i'm like trying my best not to like anyone!!
but i don't think that is biologically (sp?) possible for me..
ah!
(shasha is like sooooooooooo bloody tired of my continous whining..)
but really...
i like being affectionate to someone..
*grins..
it feels sho nice to be giving to someone..
*grins..
who would have thought guys don't exactly like girls who are too affectionate??
='(
oh well cest la vie..
alright i gotta go sneak in to class later peeps..

2004-12-18T23:16:00.000-08:00

this is something i wrote on the first of november...

i know they love me.. and i know they only want what's best for me but somehow, being with them does not let me be all i can be but what they want me to be.. i love you all.. and i always will.. for you are the only family i have ever known..

i am but
alone..
truly against all i have ever known..
i search for salvation..
for i feel much too weak...
i long to feel attached to something
to somewhere..
want to give
and
be able to recieve..
i want to be happy
for grief is too dark
i yearn to beloved..
and i pray to be found
dear resolve
please..
hold on to me
and never let me go..
for i fear
and feel..
as if i am to
fall..
i may smile..
but the tears..
that i hold back..
hurts my eyes..
and i wish..
for nothing more..
than the permission
to cry..

2004-12-17T21:45:00.000-08:00

i said it too soon..
cause as soon as i fell in love with someone..
just as soon i have fallen out of it..
sighs..
i thought it was..
then i realised..
it WAS too sudden..
i am still a stranger to him..
as he is to me..
it was too abrupt..
the feelings were swallowing me..
whole..
i thought too much..
and..
when i realised where it was going..
i froze..
a relationship?
i asked myself..
then i found me telling myself..
"no.."
"i can't go through with another one.."
and sadly how i felt
all that happy butterflies and cartwheels in my tummy
left me..
and i was empty again..
i'm so sorry..
i wished i could tell you..
but i can't..
and i'm sorry..
the truth is..
i can tell..
no one..
there are some words that i identify with..
"i am friend to anyone who would befriend me.. "
and
"can be just about anyone's best bud.."
but
"my heart isn't strong enough for anything more.. "
though..
"my greatest fear is being unloved.."

to shasha, the girls and those who read all that i've said...
thank you for caring...
and thank you for your love..
i thank god..
you've found me..
and through my darkest hour..
i am still
blessed..
amen..

i like a malay guy..

2004-12-14T13:47:00.000-08:00

people..
i'm freaking out..
no seriously..
i really like someone..
it's so sudden..
but..
i find myself beaming..
and smiling to myself everytime i think about it..
F**k this is weird..
this has never happened before..
ah!
help!
she was like.. you like him don't you?
and i was like.. no! i don't even know him
but when we agreed to go out that night..
i have never been so nervous in my life before..
i was so breathless..
i nearly passed out balls..
F**k!
it was 10 times worst than me watching tim foreman in ment to live..
scary shit balls..
i nearly called it off..
but i'm glad i didn't..
*GRINS*
we had fun shivering in the rain..
haha
well peeps here's the part you guys freak out..
he's malay
hahaha
who would have thought huh?
=D
and no this time it's not the lizard..
text me fer details hahahahahaha..
kiddin..
miss all you peeps..
*hugs*

2004-12-10T02:52:00.000-08:00

and so...
went out to see the girls taday..
oooh! it was FANTASTIC..
we shld meet more oftent balls..
miss yer gals sho freakin much..
and when we talk abt the old times god i feel freakin old..
whaha love to all my girls..
till the next time..
*hugs* & *kisses*
i wish fer the old times..

2004-12-04T23:43:00.000-08:00

lost in emo..
emocore..
wonder what's that all abt..
goth is cool..
but hrm..
i just like the fashion
aye brudder pow?
I LIKE
but i ain't goth
i'm not into the whole sadist-voodoo-doll-mambo-jumbo..
sad sad attempt..
like i said.. i'm just too happy for it ...
i guess..
i just like to pose fer pictures..
necrophiliac pictures..whooohoo!
call me a camera whore.. whahaha
anyway..
was just havin heaps of fun..
goofin around with sha..
we act like mats.. singing the reason.. "chill ar.. jangan tention!berg sial!"
whahaha it's freakin sparstic i tell you..
then we black our eyes.. red our lips.. and freaked each other out..
it was fun..
i'll post the vids up once she gets it on line..
switch foot is on..
enjoy people..

2004-12-03T11:39:00.000-08:00

last night shasha and i acted like we were seven again hahaha we played dress up.. kinda freaked her out when i did my sit on the floor ju- on thingy hahahaha well well posted some of the pics up..
emo...
well i'd try goth out..but i think i'm too happy for the concept... hahah well gtg goin out fer sushi!

2004-12-02T10:15:00.000-08:00

goin to go have sushi with me lizard,luke, nashie, uma and me cousin hee hee yummy yummy.. sth's up with me blog? argh! alright.. later peeps..

2004-11-28T00:55:00.000-08:00

posting posting.. well update on my life.. my hp is werking.. i'm not seeing anyone currently.. but i do feel sho sickly.. think i'm down with gastric and flatuency(wind) well i've been feeling bloated since last night.. think i had bad seafood at changi.. could be food poisioning.. been rolling around in pain the whole day=( i really feel like crying.. i even missed shikin's open house cause i'm not in the mood to go out.. yes yes i will go see a doctor if it doesn't get better.. what can i say i don't like doctors.. hrmp.. but yes i'll see one tmr.. oh yup.. i adopted 2 hamsters=D one's ashlee and the other's carrie.. shasha and i found them on the road side.. sho we decided to take them home.. you should meet hers esp little quasi he's sho cute!! my uncle has taken a liking to them.. haha well he plays with them,bathes, feeds and clean their cages.. um yeah.. hahaha well i'm happy to have hamsters.. thinking of getting a guinea pig now? hrm..well may be not now.. to my cloudies.. when are the girls goin out? to shasha i miss you! *hugs* well that's all for now.. will update another time..

2004-11-27T06:18:00.000-08:00

my tummy hurts feel sho bloody bloated*groans in pain...........

2004-11-19T19:10:00.000-08:00

weight loss.. i want some.. haha

2004-11-11T11:42:00.000-08:00

i feel old.. bah..

2004-11-05T10:50:00.000-08:00

nothing is like how it used to be.. i've been dead.. too dead from the world around me.. consumed by its negativity.. i know it is not worth it.. and i plead.. god help me.. amen

2004-10-29T04:28:00.000-07:00

grr..
i wrote a really long entry just now and when click POST it all dissappeared! ah! bloody hell! sheesh here i go all over again..
current mood: frustrated.
current state: bored.
short term aspiration: to wipe out the male race..
question to ponder: why is it that the one that you're intrested in won't look yer way but the one you aren't won't leave you alone?
men! there's ALWAYS Some thing.. wrong with them.. i swear that gender is the bane of my life.. wished they would all mysteriously collaps a die..
i'm uninspired.. how is that so? though i have had fun every now and then, i still remain feeling so... Dull...
sometimes i wished i hadn't left siglap.. life seemed simpler and more pleasent..at least i belong some where.. back then i always had my clique and budds were there at every turn.. being stupid was permited and fun was ever present.. sure school itself sucked.. but i really miss it all.. recess.. the C9 table.. teacher's day practices.. after school hang outs.. 3na's place.. instant noodles.. gosh.. i really miss being in school balls.. i miss my gals.. my bros.. my blading days.. my classmates and their nonsense.. my form teacher..i miss the feeling of waking up and wanting to look nice in the same old blue and green uniform..(though nomatter how you comb yer hair or tie it up you look all the same as you did yesterday any way) i just miss it all.. four years.. and now.. all i have left.. are merely memories.. and i wished i could go back to when it all was still here..

my cousin's goin through alot.. she's redoing her sec3.. she could have opted fer promotion but she didn't want to.. i'm really sad.. not because she's repeating (she decided to redo her sec 3 she feels like it's best fer herself to and i fully support her) but no i'm sad because.. i don't like her friends.. they're not.. they're not there.. and at times it seems like they don't really care about her.. sighs.. i wished i was in school with her.. i wish there was a way i could make it better fer her.. sighs.. *hugs to my dear shasha*

to my siglap peeps love and miss you guys heaps! *hugs* you take care now ding dongs

2004-10-25T01:57:00.000-07:00

it's the hols and i'm down with the flu bug.. sho sad.. been running a fever fer the past few days.. been meaning to go to sentosa with my darlin mummie 3na but we haven't been able to! HRMP! life's BORING!
i tried to learn a musical intrument as i promised myself to.. but ask my cousin how i fair? she's sick of lisa loeb's 'stay' now.. and almost bashed her guitar because of me.. (haha ok i'm exagerrating but yeah..) there you go my sad attempt at being all musical..
my cloudies are all over the place.. sighs.. we really haven't any time fer each other.. and i just miss having that opportunity to be stupidly happy.. like it was back when we were in school..=D oh bummer need to find silly kakis.. good ole fun silly kakis.. people who permit you to be stupidly happy.. hahaha
um.. as fer infactuations.. sighs.. i'm a loyal puppy.. and i guess i'm just waithing fer god's best..=D

hugs to all i love and actually bother to read my crap.. hahaha
*muacks*

2004-10-20T20:44:00.000-07:00

to all the assholes in my life...
if you can't appreciate me? you know what? fuck off! cause i have officially stopped caring..*grin*
and to those busybodys out there um ya.. get over it! and... um.... do you know what a life is? ya.. go get yourself one! and stop making mine yours...*grin someomore*

and um.. HAPPY holidays to me!!! heehee
yup that's all i gotta say today... hugs to all those i love heaps!!! miss ya gurls!!!
oh oh oh and i'm secretly infactuated with someone again hahahahaha but i'm waiting fer god's best=D
*muack*

2004-10-12T21:55:00.000-07:00

hee hee and so i fixed it.. and i like it... i'll up load music some other time.. gotta go study exams are in less than 3 day away i'm sho screwed!! i've got heap loads to go mugg on.. love you peeps *hugs*

2004-10-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

ahh i think i ruined my skin!!!! shit lar.. must do all over again
WTF!! sighs... later peeps..

2004-10-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

it's not even a school day .. what am i doing in schoo?

whine whine whine... i shall not explain any further.. you've heard it all anyway...

that is all for today..

and... don't forget!
the usual closing for all my entries
"*hugs* to who so ever who reads my blog"

and no i'm not having pms...
_____________________________________________________________________
beavers are EVIL... EVIL i tell you...

everytime you sigh, a star dies... but it doesn't matter anyway... there gazellions of them... i assure you there'll be enough to go around...

don't be happy... you might turn gay...

2004-10-05T12:49:00.000-07:00

in the bumming mood.. the sad thing is that i'm bumming around in school all alone.. blaugh.. oh well.. i'm waiting for the sun to well not be sho freaking hot.. i don't wanna get charred out there.. haha oh shit no towel again.. hahaha well i've got one but it's the size of a face towel hahahahaha okok gtg i admmit whenever i blogg i write nonsense.. hahaha sorry if i don't read blogs.. or update mine.. hahahaha *muacks * to all take care peeps